


What Comes After?

by BryanC



Category: Blaseball
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:40:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27415141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BryanC/pseuds/BryanC
Summary: A collection of diary entries as given by members of the Canada Moist Talkers
Kudos: 5





	What Comes After?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a deeply personal story and I am thankful to many people for giving me the strength and courage to share it. Q, VCP, Lily, Avery, Cait, and several others who I can’t bring myself to name: thank you. For giving me a revelation in myself and for giving me the ability to say that I Have Made Something

Season 10 Day X. The day everything changed. The end of the Discipline Era. The birth of Fair Play. Massive for the community, I mean after all, we killed a god. However the day was not without its moments of melancholy, and to convey this, we have collected journal entries from several members of the Canada Moist Talkers, both past and present. There are contents which may be upsetting, but have not been removed so as to preserve the personal observations of these players, specifically the young York Silk. But without further ado: What Comes After.

York Silk:  _ I woke up in Halifax, I mean. That’s what they’re telling me. I don’t really know what's happening anymore. I was in the shell, I was visited for the last time by Lady Friday, and now I’m here. I guess I grew up while I was in there, everything around me feels just so… small. And delicate. I crushed a foam cup today because it was just so much weaker than I remember. Everything feels so different, I mean when I got in there, everyone was afraid and now I’m out, and everyone is just so happy. I don’t know how I got out but. I mean, hey, Peanut is dead, and that's good enough. Nobody will tell me what these bandages are covering, but I think it might have been shell fragments. The only thing that concerns me is that… nobody is talking to me? Like, they answer my questions. Well some of them, they won’t tell me what happened. Something always “comes up.” Well, at least there's something to eat besides… I dont even want to write the word anymore. I think that's it for today. My arms hurt. _

Ziwa Mueller:  _ Well. This is… weird. I uh… I ate today. Like, twice. I didn’t think that's what would strike me about this. I mean, we’ve been fighting this god for 6 seasons and we finally kill him, after all this death, after all this meaningless bloodshed… and what I’m happy about is… eating. Not that I know that Hobbs, and Kiki, and Tony… and Tyler… not that I know they can finally rest, and they’re finally free. But that I ate. I mean I fully get that I should be happy about finally being… healthy? I mean… one was pizza with the team (and more than a little to drink) but, I don’t know. I feel like it’s unfair that I’m… getting over this. Like I’m doing them a disservice by not remembering them, even if the driving force behind me feeling like this in the past is gone. I just, I can’t shake the feeling that I should still be mad. That I should focus on something else but everything is fine. Well, almost fine. I haven’t seen Doc around lately and she’s not answering any calls which, I mean, I can’t blame her. I all but disappeared after Ruby Tuesday, and people understood then. I just hope they give her the same courtesy, and don’t go too hard on her if she’s not top of her game next season. Anyways, Eugenia wants to watch some show, I've never heard of it but she seems happy, so I really can’t bring myself to turn her down. I hope Tyler, wherever they are, isn’t mad that the apartment’s gonna be a little dirty. _

Fish Summer:  _ I have not been with this team long, but they have taken the time to become my friends. I care deeply for them, and do not want to see bad things happen to them, and while I know that I am not the one who knows the most about humans, I am… concerned with Doctor Mooney Doctor. We were told to clean up before the Boss comes, and she has not been in her lab. This does not make sense to me, I have tried very hard to get her out of that lab before and after Day X she is just not there. I want to help her, but do not know how when I have not seen her in 3 weeks. I hope to see her soon.  _

York Silk:  _ So the last scab came off today. Doctors say that the scarring is gonna be hard to lose but… ah I don’t wanna dwell on that. They're saying that the cuts are where the Peanut uh… tapped into my nervous system. I was controlled. For a full season. By that fucking nut. Everyone says “oh we know it wasn't really you” but I see the look in their eyes. They know they can’t trust me. I know I can’t trust me. I can’t even believe that I won’t snap back into whatever happened to my brain. I mean I gave the Thieves PTSD. How can I ever forgive myself for what I’ve done to my friends… how can I ever take any of it back? How could I let something control me so… absolutely?  _

McBlase:  _ Usually I can do a pretty good job of separating work from life. I mean when you see some truly heinous things just as a part time job, you learn pretty damn fast to put it behind you. But I can’t just put these people behind me. And that's the hardest part, is that I see how everythings taking its toll on everyone around me and I just keep going. I tried to have everyone over for a late celebration, but apparently 2 months is still not enough time. I think maybe the best is to just wait til the Boss gets here. See what she’s all about. Maybe then people will be okay. To know that the peanut is really gone. I don’t know. I’m so used to either holding my cards close to my chest and pretending that I have everything I need, but how do you do that when there’s no cards here? _

__ York Silk: _ I saw Quitter today… nobody told me she got Podded too… I hate this sport. So much. I see these scars on people around the league and I just. I hate that I know what she’s going through. This fucking checkerboard on our wrists is like a scarlet letter of “Hey! We’re the reason your friends can’t bat because they’re too busy tensing up! We hurt your friends! Now play with us!” It’s more of a curse than what got me there, honestly. I can’t even look at the Friday’s without crying. I abandoned them, and I’m sure they hate me. I don’t even know what I’d say. “Sorry that I was completely gone from your life because of the Nut and then I was super shitty to you and made everyone hate me! But look at my wrist! It wasn't fun for me either, see?! I have scars now!” Yea I’m sure that’ll fly. Just because I have scars doesn’t mean I get to be happy again. I mean who’s to say that I didn’t choose the pods? I don’t even know. This is uh… Kinda ruining my day. Just wanted to write this out, so uh… bye future York I guess? I hope you lived long enough to get these scars off. _

Mooney Doctor:  _ Alright well. Can’t keep moping around forever. I mean honestly I can. I know I’m capable of it, I brought back the dead, I can sure as hell be sad forever if I set my mind to it. But I think you and I both know that that's not what I should do. We’re a couple games into the new season by now, and I absolutely need to be there for my team, and I can’t do that from home. The young one… York Silk I believe? He has been through a lot, and he’s just a boy. I need to talk to him, and hopefully help him get past this. As always, my dear, I miss you. But this will be the last I write to you. I hope to see you again someday, and I hope that day is soon. I love you. _

Eugenia Garbage:  _ Ziwa isn’t allowed to read this! If you are reading this and you are Ziwa, put it down now, you nosy! Okay now that they’re gone, I have to say that the past 5 months have been the best of my life. They’re just so much fun to be around and I can’t WAIT to see this movie we’re watching tonight, I think it’s called 10 things about you or something? I dunno Ziwa seems really excited and so I can’t wait! And I mean, they watch the Blachelor with me so I kinda owe them this one, even if I wasn’t already sold on it. They’re just… they’re so cute when they’re happy and I’m so glad I get to be here to see it. Alright I gotta go get ready for this, but Ill write more later!  _

__ York Silk:  _ I have to say… I think I was happy today. I went and visited the Fridays during a siesta, and apologized. They, of course, made me take back my apology, because I really didn't do anything and have been beating myself up over it for months for nothing. I dunno. I guess being trapped with nobody but someone who hates you and your own thoughts can be poisonous to your thought process. I think I should do something to thank Mooney sometime. If it wasn't for her talking to me… I mean she didn’t even know me and came to me to talk about everything. I had no idea the moon was married, but she had an absolutely amazing wife. Sorry I'm kinda scatter-brained right now. I’m gonna be meeting up with Quitter after the next game and just kinda… trying to help her get through everything we’ve been through, and let her know I’m there for her. Anyways yea! Also, Mooney came to me today and offered help in removing the scars, I guess she's got some new lotion or something, and I gotta say. I don’t want to get rid of these scars. I mean, I know that they hold a lot of negativity in them, but they remind me what I've been through, and remind me what it feels like to feel alone. I want to keep them to remember that there are people out there who need me, who need to see that you can survive something like what the Pods did to us. Anyways all this to say, I think this’ll be my last entry here, I’ve got a new book to write, and it’s starting today. Stay strong, future York, you survived. _


End file.
